Sunday, November 05, 2006

 

Letting go.

My faith is my faith, and it doesn't mean I can't accept new theory on a given technology. I'm not a fundiementalist, and most christians aren't. Faith for us is a moral question, stem cell is a unique issue. Human experimentation isn't or shouldn't be open to debate, didn't we learn anything from the Nazi eugenics programs?

I know that it's not a popular qustion here.

You have to learn, to let go sometimes. There is still no cure for what killed my father, no explanation for why my son died at birth. But some things, much as we would love them to be different, just are.

I see the surgeon again in Dec. I've been avoiding seeing him. I know it has to be done, but I dread where this is going. My body is broken, they can repair some of it, but time isn't my ally. I will always be in pain, never free of it. They were blunt about that part. The only grace, is that my mind is unaffected, for which I'm greatful.

I would like a cure, but not at any price.

I see embryonic stem cell research as an evil thing. Harvested embryo's,.. if I had never seen his face, and seen the faces of my two other children in his.. maybe I could look at this clinically, but I can't. Religion or not, could anyone of you in my place, just right him off? consider him just tissue?

There are other ways, maybe not ones with patent medicine men pushing them for money, but this doesn't end research.

I'm working as hard as I can, to not be bitter and angry at the universe for hurting all the time. Most have no idea how difficult that is. Pain causes the natural response to lash out, to hurt someone else in anger, in rage.

I'm trying to avoid that path.

So I'm finding a kind of peace in letting go of the hurt, the anger, the rage that this was visited on me. It's no one else's fault, maybe mine, but not yours. I'm looking for peace, but the rage is still within me, buried, but not expunged.

you have to let go, the anger will eat you up from the inside out.

you have to let go.

It's not an easy thing to let a loved one slip away, never easy. I've done it too many times now, and if anything, it's as hard a thing as you will ever do. I would be lying if I said, I loved my father, for that I'm sorry too. My mother's dying screams as the cancer took her into a coma still ring in my head. Sleepless nights are a long, long thing for me.

I see a touch of my mother in my daughter's eyes, myself in my son. So in letting go you can come full circle to the beginning of new life, letting go of your ghosts. Giving them the attention you would have lost by being angry at life, at others.

you have to let go.

a long ago ancester of mine was a reverend, so maybe I can be forgiven for this long comment. I'm just concerned that in hoping to hang onto what was, we shut out what will be. We all want peace in these things, and to not hurt as we do. That never is though, so time, and reflection, but mostly time ease the pain.

My parents are long gone now, hanging on to them, dragging them with me, because in my grief,.. I can't leave them in peace.. no.

Death is almost never welcome, sometimes however, it's a release. One we have to accept, grieve and move on.

letting go finally.

Not a happy ending, but a natural one.

Comments:
I'm not sure what kind of illness you suffer from but it sounds long term. My boyfriend has an illness he'll never shake and I don't know what he needs from me to feel better about himself. Do you have any suggestions as to what I could do for him? Thank you.
 
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